


Scratches

by Sasassy



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fights, M/M, Major Character Injury, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 08:35:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8155853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasassy/pseuds/Sasassy
Summary: ”I can walk on my own now, Uta.”
Uta laughed, a bitter and snarky sound that had Renji shrivel back into himself.
”You can barely breathe on your own, so don’t bother,” Uta said none too gently and adjusted Renji’s arm around his shoulders so he could take more of Renji’s weight.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is me dealing with the fact that Renji almost died in this arc and we still don't know if he'll live.

Their heavy steps echoed through the hallway, one pair sure and forceful, the other dragging and exhausted.

 

”Just a few more steps.”

 

”I can walk on my own now, Uta.”

 

Uta laughed, a bitter and snarky sound that had Renji shrivel back into himself.

 

”You can barely breathe on your own, so don’t bother,” Uta said none too gently and adjusted Renji’s arm around his shoulders so he could take more of Renji’s weight.

 

Renji didn’t dare answer, Uta was already angry enough at him. Instead he let himself be hauled up the last few steps to Uta’s apartment and through the door.

 

”Let’s get you to bed,” Uta mumbled under his breath and started towards the bedroom but Renji planted his feet until they stopped dead in their tracks.

 

”The couch is fine.”

 

Uta closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

”I said let’s get you to bed.”

And he lifted Renji off the ground, bridal style, and carried him to the bed.

 

The sensible carrying and coddling from before seemed to end here though and Renji found himself being dumped on the bed unceremoniously and hard.

He gasped a little as his wounds made contact with the mattress and his overall aching body was jostled on impact.

 

”Was that necessary?” Renji asked between gritted teeth.

 

”I could ask you the same,” Uta countered and turned around, walking out of the bedroom in silence.

 

Renji let out the breath he’d been holding and with it a groan of pain. He could still feel the slow trickle of blood from his wound and the pulsating pain around the edges where he still had flesh to ache. Slowly he tried to sit up but it was harder than usual. He helped himself up with his arms, but it still felt weird.

 

”No abdominals, probably,” Renji muttered as he looked at the gaping hole in his torso. He was pretty sure he could see the bedding through it.

 

”Lay down for fucks’ sake,” Uta snapped at him and Renji’s arms slipped as he started, causing him to fall back onto his back.

 

”I just had a look,” Renji defended himself.

 

”Yes and you ripped the wound a little more in the process, genius,” Uta scolded him. His face was scrunched up and Renji wondered when he’d last seen Uta this angry.

 

He couldn’t remember ever seeing him this angry.

 

”Stop looking at me like that,” Renji huffed and tipped his head back so he could no longer see Uta’s expression. He didn’t like it. It made him feel like he’d done something wrong even though he hadn’t done anything wrong.

 

”No, I’ll keep showing you how angry I am at your stupid behaviour until you realise you’re an idiot.”

His words were uttered in a malicious hiss and Renji shrank into himself. He felt thoroughly scolded.

 

”I did what was necessary,” Renji said firmly.

 

”Of course you did,” Uta said with a humourless laugh. ”Stay down.”

He climbed onto the bed and swung one leg over Renji so he could straddle his thighs.

Renji was about to protest, he didn’t like having Uta this near when they were fighting but one look at Uta’s face killed the words to come immediately.

 

His mouth was turned down, brows furrowed so tightly Renji wondered if he already a headache and his eyes lacking their usual fire. They only glistened and Renji didn’t even want to think about why that could be.

 

A loud ripping sound snapped Renji out of his thoughts and he stared down at his chest in surprise. The remnants of his shirt were gone, Uta had ripped them clean off.

 

”It was beyond repair anyway,” Uta said as if it was the most obvious explanation and shrugged carelessly. ”You look like swiss fucking cheese.”

 

Renji couldn’t even say something to defend himself anymore. He had eyes, he saw the damage done to his body. Any human would have been long dead and Renji knew that he came dangerously close, even though he was a powerful and strong ghoul. The fact that there were still no signs of healing just confirmed his suspicions.

 

”Are you going to keep screaming at me or will you let me take care of my injury?”

Renji dared to look at Uta again, look him straight in the eyes. Uta was still angry, seething even but the shine to his eyes was still there too. He just sat there, on top of Renji in silence, anger seeping out of him and making Renji twist in discomfort. He wanted to get away from Uta and his anger. He didn’t deserve his anger at all.

 

Renji was about to push Uta off when Uta sighed and the fight seemed to leave him immediately. His shoulders sagged and his head bowed forward until the tips of his hair tickled against Renji’s skin. His hands fumbled with something and Renji could make out white cloth, gauze probably.

 

”Let me dress it.”

The sharp anger was gone from Uta’s voice and replaced by a softness Renji wasn’t used to hearing.

 

”I can do it myself,” Renji insisted and reached for the gauze.

 

”You’re a little too weak for that. You can’t even lift your arms, how would you do it?”

 

”But I walked up here to your apartment.”

 

”Wow,” Uta said and blinked slowly, obviously unimpressed. ”Fantastic, babe, you took like ten steps. You must be as good as new already.”

 

Renji rolled his eyes at that. Uta had a point but he still tried to reach for the gauze.

 

”Are you kidding... Just shut up and let me do it.”

Uta held the gauze over his head, out of reach for Renji. He could have stretched for it, Renji’s arms were still a little longer than Uta’s, but with his wounds it would have been uncomfortable at best. So he gave up. Uta was glad to see that Renji still had some form of wits about him.

”Good,” Uta praised and pushed Renji back into the bed, shifting on his lap until he sat comfortably and had easy enough access to dress Renji’s wound.

 

”I’m not a child,” Renji said darkly. ”You don’t have to treat me like one.”

 

Uta shook his head mildly and ignored the petulance in Renji’s tone.

”Adults don’t put their life on the line so recklessly like you did today. Adults don’t break their promises just like that.”

 

”I wasn’t reckless,” Renji said and ignored the nasty scoff it earned him. ”I really wasn’t. I did what I had to to protect–”

 

”I know,” Uta interrupted him gruffly. ”I know they are family and they are all you have left.” There was bitterness lacing his voice and Renji wondered where that had come from. ”I know you want to protect them. But you promised you wouldn’t put your life on the line and... I can see right through you and for once it’s not a metaphor!” His rant had gotten louder and louder and back was the anger Renji hadn’t missed at all.

 

”It’s not that bad.”

 

”Fuck me, Renji are you stupid?” Uta asked and glared at him with a nasty frown to his mouth. ”I can literally see the bed through your stomach. That’s not how stomachs are supposed to work!”

 

”Calm down, I’m already healing,” Renji tried to placate but he knew it would be for naught.

 

”There is no fucking sign of healing!” Uta raised his voice again, followed by a sharp intake of breath as if he had realised he was losing his temper. ”Listen,” he continued, back to his normal voice. ”You almost died. Don’t deny it. I was there, I saw the looks on Touka’s and Hinami’s face. I saw them panic. I carried you home on my own back.” He cut off to take a steadying breath and Renji’s hands went to touch Uta’s knees without even thinking about it.

”You’re so close to dying, you’re not even healing as you should. Stop ignoring that.”

 

Renji closed his eyes in agreement. Of course he knew he almost died. He’d been there too. He was still half-blinded by overwhelming pain and dizzy with blood loss.

”I just need food and I’ll be okay.”

 

Uta huffed through his nose, sounding defeated.

”Let me dress your wound and then you can eat.

 

Uta worked in silence and quickly, fingers examining the wound carefully, applying disinfectant when needed and wrapping gauze around Renji’s waist when he was done. The white cloth started tinting red almost immediately and Uta shook his head.

”Maybe some food will help,” he mumbled and got up to leave the room.

 

Renji was left feeling like shit, the pain from the wound and words spoken earlier cursing through his body.

Despite the hurt Uta’s words inflicted on him, Renji knew that deep down he had done the right thing. Yes, Touka, Ayato and Hinami were his family. Yes, he wanted to protect him. And if he had to die so they could live? Why would he mind that? There were worse ways to go.

 

”I know that look.” Uta was back. ”And it has to go right now.”

 

”What look?”

 

”That confident ’I did nothing wrong” look on your face.”

 

”I did nothing wrong. I protected my family and–”

 

Uta threw the discreet package in his hand at Renji’s head and just barely missed hitting him square in the face.

”Eat this so you finally shut up with your martyr complex.”

 

”I don’t have a martyr complex,” Renji snapped, finally losing his own patience. He ripped into the package with his hands and immediately started devouring the meat. He growled between bites, partly because of his hunger, partly because he was furious at Uta.

 

How dared Uta accuse him of that?

 

”Yes, you do! Why else would you act like you did today? Is your life worth nothing?”

 

”I should have died twenty years ago,” Renji shouted back, heaving breath making it hard to speak clearly. ”I should have died with Hikari, I should have died protecting her. She had a family and I had nothing. I should have died protecting Anteiku, not Yoshimura. He had all of us looking up to him. And what do I have?”

 

Uta looked like he’d just been slapped.

 

”You have everything,” he said numbly. ”There’s so much to live for, for you.” He sounded so tired, so done with Renji’s behaviour. And if Renji was honest with himself, he couldn’t even blame Uta anymore.

 

Ever since he had lost his sister he had been like that, pessimistic and indifferent about his own life. Having Touka and Hinami in his life had helped him a lot and for some time those dark thoughts that had been part of his mundane life had almost vanished. With Hinami joining Aogiri and Touka’s heart breaking a little more every day, they had come back full force. He wanted to rip the world to shreds if it meant to make his niece happy again and if he died in the process, he would gladly do so.

 

”Renji!” Uta shouted and Renji started. Uta hadn’t shouted at him in a long time. And today he barely even stopped. It was unusual, but it also showed how worried he was.

 

”There are so many things in your life that are worth staying alive for,” he said, a desperate edge to his voice and Renji felt a sharp pain in his chest.

 

”Like what?” he asked, petulant and stubborn. Of course he knew there were, but it didn’t help him in his darkest moments, when all he wanted to do was fade from existence.

 

”Like Touka. She’s your niece and she looks up to you, no matter what you think. It would break her heart if you left her. And Hinami, too. She may have chosen a different path, but she didn’t do that because she hated you. I’m sure she has her reasons. And...” Uta closed his eyes and swallowed, distress so blatantly written across his face, Renji didn’t know how to react.

 

”And what?” Renji asked.

 

He knew that Uta thought about himself. How he wanted Renji to stay alive and how he wanted him around but Uta wouldn’t say it. He never had and maybe never would. They weren’t like that.

 

Renji expected Uta to keep silent or actually just leave the room until he had collected himself enough to trust himself not to get emotional, but he didn’t.

 

”Fuck, Renji.”

He dropped onto the bed next to Renji and buried his hands in his hair.

” _I_ want you to stay alive too. I want you to want to stay alive for all of us.”

 

Renji exhaled in shock. He hadn’t expected Uta to be this frank and honest with him.

”I...” _I know_ , he wanted to say. _I know and I want to stay alive for you too_ , he wanted to say but the words wouldn’t come that easily.

”I… owe you a new bed after we’ve made it through all this,” he finally settled on saying.

 

Uta laughed. He sounded relieved.

”Is that another promise?”

 

Renji reached out until he could run the knuckles of his hand along Uta’s lower back.

”One that I’ll keep this time.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I am Uta.
> 
> Come talk to me at sasassy-writes.tumblr.com!


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